Make Sure There's a DJ

I have been a worry wort for as long as I can remember. I am a gal who prepares for disaster -- it's my "thing".  Actually, preparing for the worst is a technique I use to calm myself when I'm nervous about a situation. Having major surgery is one of those situations.

It is the night before my procedure and I decide to write a letter to Vanilla, each of the boys, and to my sister telling each of them how much I loved them and how much happiness they brought to my life. Does this sound dramatic to you?  Well, it was dramatic. Very. These letters were the type of letters written in those Lifetime movies where the the woman has the terminal illness and she writes letters saying goodbye to her family and friends. I want to stress that I did not seriously think I was going to check-out mid-operation but what if I did and I hadn't prepared for the possibility? It would be so messed up. So, I played it safe and drafted a couple of letters.

Along with my sister and Vanilla's letters, I included specific directions regarding my funeral. I have expressed these wishes to my friends and family for a couple of years. But I thought it would be best to put it in writing so that everyone is crystal-clear in understanding my wishes. Plus, it may ultimately stem from my control issues (which I openly admit to having). 

For starters, I want an open casket viewing. I want to be wearing a cute dress that makes me look thin, make up and my hair straightened. I want people to have that "she looks so good" conversation that you sometimes hear at wakes. If photographs of me are to be displayed during my viewing, please select photos of me from the 80s. That was my best decade. I was cute, young and thin. 

Next, I want the super-high Catholic funeral Mass. I want the priest to use plenty of the holy incense (enough to choke a horse or bother the asthmatics in attendance). I want lots of singing. My sister can choose the songs sung at my Mass. I want to be buried at Our Lady of Grace Cemetery in Langhorne. I'm not particular about the section but I would prefer to be in an area that does not flood on rainy days.

Finally, I want a DJ and an open bar (with top-shelf liquor) at my luncheon. I want my friends and family to celebrate my life.  I do not want it to be a sad occasion. I want it to be an awesome party on me! I even have a list of specific songs that I'd like played by the DJ.  They include:  "Life During Wartime", "Burning Down the House", "Planet Clare", "Dance this Mess Around", "Incident on 52nd Street", "Thundercrack", "Pretty Flamingo", "Into the Mystic", "Tuepelo Honey", "A House Is Not a Home", "Never Too Much", "You Dropped a Bomb on Me", "Fire and Desire", "Superfreak", "Give It To Me Baby", "Out on a Limb", "Dear Lover", "Square Biz", "Forget Me Nots", "Reasons", "Shake Your Body Down To the Ground", "Gin and Juice", "Diamond Dogs", "Changes" (by David Bowie not Tupac), "Everybody, Everybody", "Get Up Early In The Morning", "My Mistake", "I Believe In You and Me", "Zoom", and "This Old Heart of Mine".  The remainder of the songs I will leave to my friends and family in attendance to request from the DJ.

Before I left for the hospital, I placed the letters and the funeral directions in a large manila envelope and sealed it. I marked it to be opened if I passed away. I then put the envelope in the bottom of the overnight bag I was taking to the hospital with me so that no one could open it without me dieing first.  Like I said earlier, a girl can never be too safe or prepared.